Yes, the truth is I’m writing this in response to a sense of righteous rage brought on by the lack of integrity of another! Not only lack of integrity; but the sneakiest person I’ve met in ages. And I’ve met some sneaky ones.
What makes the feelings welling up in me all the more aggravating is the person purports to be a believer. You know what I mean by ‘believer” so I don’t need to explain the sense of outrage I feel when someone gives the Lord a “bad name”. Unfortunately, in this particular case, most others don’t see and probably haven’t experienced what I and others on our team have seen and experienced. As I’ve often said, deep discernment can be both blessing – and curse! To see what others don’t see and can’t fathom is a difficult spot to be in. But that’s not the point of this post.
The point of sharing my own vulnerability in the moment is to talk about how difficult some folks can be to deal with. And that “righteous rage” is a real human feeling when we’re bamboozled by those who are difficult to deal with. It’s okay to experience righteous indignation (nicer way of saying “rage”); but we do need to learn how to deal with it in ways that don’t damage us – or others around us.
The way I’ve learned to deal with it is to talk it out – or write it out – or both!
Here’s some of the folks I’ve found most difficult to deal with over a long and varied career as well as a few ‘vintage’ years:
1. The “nicey-nice”. You know them because nothing but nice words ever escape their lips. In public that is! In fact, they eventually come across as insincere and fake. It’s tough to level with them, especially if what must be said doesn’t correspond with their nicey-nice exterior.
2. The “rigid, always right and eggshell walkers”. We know them because we dare not disagree with them. Recently I had such an experience in which I corrected a misunderstanding. I had the facts at hand; but the other stated in no uncertain terms that the facts were a “lie”. Hum, I thought. Do I need to be right and risk turning it into a p_ _ _ _ _ g match, or. . . I chose to simply let the matter die. However, I made mental note to avoid further communication if at all possible. After all – the other had a need to always be right! Besides I never learned to walk well on eggshells!
3. The “passive-aggressive”. Similar to the “nicey-nice”; the passive aggressive person is so sweet, kind and generous on the surface it’s hard to find fault. However, underneath that calm collected sweet exterior lurks a heart as black as the ace of spades. A mind blinded to any sense of congruence between exterior actions and internal motives. They are often exceedingly hard to spot. We have to pay close attention to what is said openly compared to what is being said between the lines. And we must pray for discernment! Finally, the best way to deal with them is to walk as far away as possible!
4. The “coat-tail rider and dream stealer”. Those who haven’t a creative thought of their own who use others’ creativity and pass it off as their own. Best solution for dealing with them? Don’t! Once we discover the modus operandi of these folks – put them in same basket as the passive aggressive and run – not walk – away!
5. The “error-producer”. From a spiritual perspective, these folks are very dangerous. They paint themselves as spiritual experts; but promulgate error at every turn. The horror of their ways is the misleading of others who are seeking to grow spiritually and looking for a more mature person to guide them. Way to handle? Call them out at every word of error. They won’t like it; but hopefully at some point they’ll see the light.
Whew, I feel better. I’m not sure you will after reading this; but hopefully it will alert each who do, to the dangers that lurk in the marketplace as well as in our personal lives. None of us needs to have such folks in our professional circles of influence or in our personal lives.
The bottom line of the post is the value of being vulnerable to others. Letting them know that we are not perfect and that some things get under our skin in ways that make us angry, irritable and irritated.
I’m reminded that another Person was so incensed by what He saw as defiling something of great value; that He took a whip and drove the defilers out of the joint. I’m not suggesting we do that same; but I do suggest that when we encounter situations prompted by folks that defile our lives in despicable ways – we not chastise ourselves for the “righteous rage” that bubbles up within.
If you take nothing else from this – take the knowledge that the operative word is “righteous”. Learn that it’s human – then learn how to deal with it in constructive ways that make you feel better.
So my question to you is this: how do you deal with moments of “righteous rage”? And how do you deal with folks who may be the source of same?
Linda S. Fitzgerald, Visionary Partner
Champion of Ordinarily Extraordinary Women of the World
A Women’s Place Network, Inc. dba
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